"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I think I am morally bankrupt
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
