Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
