He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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