my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
