I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize