So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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