I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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