Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Randomize
