I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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