Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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