How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
