Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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