so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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