So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
