the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
