It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
