u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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