i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We are all done wearing pants today
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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