so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
