i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
