Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
