It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
