from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
