$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
