i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
