I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize