this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
