I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
