oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize