is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
