from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
