Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize