I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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