the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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