Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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