Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
