I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
