We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
