I have demons in me.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
