4 words: hood of his car
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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