you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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