Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
