one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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