people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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