Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
