Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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