if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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