Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
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