shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
