why didn't you poke me back
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
