It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
