So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My breasts were aching with rage.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
