Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize