Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
