I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
