I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We need a shit load of segways right now
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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