They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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