this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize