go do what you do best...puke behind churches
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
