I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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