If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
