I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize