Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
