can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
