You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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