We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
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