What did we do last night that was yellow?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You pole danced in your parka.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
