when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
