i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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