Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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