Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
