I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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