i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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