Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
