I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
