Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I know her cup size but not her name....
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
