You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
drinking out of a sandbucket again
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
