Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
