so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
