the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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