I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Even my vagina gasped.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
