we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
