Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
