Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
