OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
