it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
