We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
