i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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