need another drink. this is the easiest way
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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