yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
