as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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