Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
