I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
