I think I died a long time ago.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
