We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
