3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
