yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
