i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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