Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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