you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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