Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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