Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
