I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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