I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
