oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
