apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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