Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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