I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
