Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
