she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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