Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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