Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
